“Joy is an act of resistance.” Original artwork by Jenn Ryan for The JennCard, LLC.
By Christina Ryan-Stoltz
Editor’s note: This essay is updated from the printed version and includes a link to additional reading material.
The energy and hype of a new year has inspired humans to make declarations, promises and resolutions since ancient Babylonia. Those early new year’s celebrations, held in the spring, honored the planting of crops and with it the promise to make good on debts.
In Rome, Julius Caesar changed the date of the new year in 46 B.C. to January 1. The month was so-named for Janus, a two-headed spirit who inhabited doorways and arches and symbolically watched over both the previous year and the future. The Romans made promises in the new year to be good citizens.
Christians began celebrating “Watch Night” or “Covenant Renewal Service” in church on New Year’s Eve or Day, reaffirming their faith and resolving to become better servants of Christ in the new year.
Making personal promises
In modern times, these resolutions have moved away from sacred declarations to a god and into a more secular promise to the self. To improve the self, to course correct, to become the best version of oneself. For many, this promise becomes a starting line for showing up differently to take better care of oneself. Weight loss is often at the top of the list, especially following a holiday season often filled with overindulgence, heightened emotional triggers and a need to clear out the debris of the previous year. The first day of a new calendar becomes the X that marks the spot. A commencement.
Despite all the excitement and determination, inevitably these potent self-proclamations lose their luster when the effort required to sustain them becomes too challenging or the fun wears off before the desired results are achieved. Doing the hard work of changing a pattern or establishing a new habit can feel unnatural because it is new. Our minds can flip a switch and suddenly be against the very thing we clung to so desperately just weeks before.
In the face of our human nature, what can we do when we want to change but our “get-up-and-go got up and went”?
Find your calm
Research into the psychology of change suggests that we start small. Forming new habits changes the neural pathways in our brains. To do this successfully, the brain must not be forced into fight, flight or freeze —indications of being overwhelmed, which override the nervous system to protect/survive. So, the very first step would be to create a sense of calm within the mind to begin to observe the needs of our whole self. Overweight, for example, can certainly be a health concern that needs attention to dissuade chronic illness, but it can also be about self-image/self-worth. Or emotional satiety. Or connection to others.
To begin to address the cause (aforementioned unmet needs) rather than the symptom (excess body weight) is an approach that is gaining traction because it gets to the root of the “problem” and allows the mind, body and spirit to work together to bring about change. This is what holistic health is really all about. Addressing the WHOLE being. You can begin by making and keeping small but intentional promises to yourself every day which honor and support your well-being in body, mind and spirit. These micro promises may lead toward an overall goal you have set, but they break that objective into actionable steps you can take, one day at a time.
Ask yourself this
Let’s stick with the example of this essay: weight loss. If I want to lose 20 pounds, I could restrict my eating and burn extra calories by working out, and I would likely see results as long as I stick with that calculated formula. If I get hungry, I either deny my body’s hunger cues or I give in to the cravings and believe I have ruined my day ⸺ so I may as well eat whatever I want, and there goes my resolution.
Sound familiar? This can be a vicious cycle, a hamster wheel that feels impossible to jump off. It can go on like this for decades. Recycling the same 10 pounds over and over again, to infinity. This is a well-established neural pathway, like a rut on a two-track that pulls the Jeep in the same direction every four-wheeler has gone before.
An alternative approach is to remove that internal pressure entirely. You know, the one that says, “I must lose 20 pounds by Spring Break” or “I cannot be happy until ______.” Replace it with, “What Can I Do Today That Is Aligned With My Vision For Living My Best Life?”
Making choices from a space of empowerment is a radical shift away from the degrading self-dialogue that usually accompanies our efforts to change. How Do I Want To Feel? Healthy. What Will Help Me Feel That Way Today? Movement, greens, mindfulness, breathing when I want to yell, drinking a glass of water before deciding how hungry I am. Asking questions like: How can I nourish my body with foods that also comfort my spirit? What other ways can I comfort myself today? What needs comforting?
Re-frame the change
If you’re a few weeks into your resolutions and already floundering, or you didn’t even set any this year because they’ve never worked in the past, I encourage you to consider that you don’t need a new year to start a new habit AND you don’t need more willpower. All you really need is to re-frame the way you approach yourself when you want to make a change. Start with “How Do I Want To Feel?” and then do the things that will help you feel that way. Ask yourself this question every day and I promise you, your life, your habits and your neural pathways will find a new groove.
For more about resolutions, particularly related to dieting, read author Anne Lamott’s excellent essay: https://tinyurl.com/26mzjwy7
Christina Ryan-Stoltz has been a writer since fifth grade. She is also an artist, herbalist, resilience coach, founder of SHESkool.com and ordained minister. She lives near the lakeshore and spends most of her time dreaming.
