By Christina Ryan-Stoltz
“The women I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because (sh)it worked out. They got that way because (sh)it went wrong, and they handled it. They handled it a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert
If you are a woman, or you know one, there’s a good chance one of you has handled some difficulties, facing challenges that forced you to dig deep and find a way through to the other side, to keep going, to continue to face adversity, to pull out of, up and through situations that could easily hold a person back, down and out. It isn’t a uniquely feminine trait to persevere, but we live in a world built for and around men, specifically, white men. A patriarchy — where the dominant ideology is that men hold the power, in the world and in the family. So, for women to find, claim and own their power requires them to push, resist and persist, despite this.
Our history, or herstory, (a word coined in print by Robin Morgan, editor of the 1970s anthology, “Sisterhood is Powerful”), radicalizes women who have dared to expect their rights to be equal to men’s. These “radical” women were labeled suffragette, feminist, activist; they were called man hater, lesbian, bossy, b*tch, and referred to as emasculating. This is by no means an exhaustive list, yet it demonstrates the disdain some men, and even women, feel toward women who challenge the status quo.
The truth about women’s progress
In 2022, this should be another of those eye-rolling memories about our past, when we celebrate the progress of, and have a good chuckle about, how absurd it used to be. Unfortunately, that is not our current reality. Not everyone is against our progress, of course. On March 8, 1911, a global celebration of the economic, political and social achievements of women took place for the first time, and the United Nations has observed International Women’s Day since 1975. President Carter gave us a whole week in 1980, and then, in 1986, we got the month of March to “reflect on and acknowledge the often-overlooked contributions of women to United States history.” The actual celebration of Women’s History Month was inspired after a weeklong celebration of women’s contributions to culture, history and society organized by a California school in 1978.
Yet (insert eye roll) women are still paid less, still carry the brunt of domestic and child-rearing responsibilities (which also means some of us miss more work to care for children), continue to have their reproductive freedom threatened, receive less funding for medical research, and pay more than men do for personal care products, healthcare and insurance. We are underrepresented in areas of influence such as government, news media and the tech industry. We assess our safety at all times and remain at greater risk for violence. When we accuse men of violence, especially sexual violence, we are often held to a more rigorous standard as victims than men are as abusers. We are more likely to be living in poverty; forced into human trafficking; harassed and victimized as members of the military; and dismissed by doctors who don’t listen to women’s complaints, forcing us to make more doctor’s visits to get the care we need. This, too, is by no means an exhaustive list.
And yet, it is exhausting.
“Nevertheless, she persisted.” Women fight on (and on and on). We continue to manage (most of) it.
Female role models
Throughout my life, I have been surrounded by women who kept going, and in their contributions and resilience, became guideposts for the little girls and young women who were watching.
Several of my dearest friends were raised by single mothers with little to no help from the fathers. They worked multiple jobs, they made it to all the games and events, they kept their houses warm and refrigerators full, and now these friends have done the same with their children.
My sixth-grade teacher was the first Ms. I met, and she helped all of us students — boys and girls — understand the importance of holding our own and taking ourselves seriously, while standing up for whatever we believed in; she inspired my first protest of a male chauvinist teacher.
Female family role models
My mother and my grandmothers always demonstrated an enormous capacity to fix, organize, make, haul and do whatever they could with their own strength and determination, while remaining tender, nurturing and feminine.
My mother-in-law was a drywaller and a school custodian and has always rushed to help her family on heavy labor projects without hesitation. My older sister was a women’s studies minor in college and has always been a beacon for badassery, with physical and emotional prowess. My younger sister left a marriage that was not healthy for her or her children, never received child support, yet she provided for her children for several years on her own. My sister-in-law traveled to countries that are not safe for women, to serve communities in need from deeply embedded female oppression and violence. My best friend is a banker with the wits for multimillion-dollar projects and the heart of a leader who is beloved and respected by her team.
Front lines for females
I can no longer count how many of my women friends have become entrepreneurs, real estate brokers, health care heroes, advocates, educators, policy and change makers, community organizers and helpers. They’ve been harassed, gaslit, abused, raped, abandoned, betrayed, undervalued, underserved, denied or discriminated against. They did not wait for change to come before they took on the needs and responsibilities of their families, careers and communities. Repeatedly, I see that you do not have to be a feminist activist to make a difference as a woman. The “front lines” are just life, filled with women who are doing what needs to be done ⸺ showing up ready to be exceptional, while the patriarchy gets away with being mediocre, and prepared to do all the emotional labor in addition to everything else required of us. Though shifts are occurring all the time and women are empowering themselves more and sooner, we are not waiting for “progress” to “carry on.” We never have.
“It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah,” as Leonard Cohen sang, but it still deserves an A(wo)men!
“I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat.” ― Rebecca West
For more information about Women’s History Month, go to the National Women’s History Alliance
For current and future programs this month, go to Women’s History Month 2022 – National Museum of American History
Christina Ryan-Stoltz has been a writer since fifth grade. She is also an artist and herbalist, a resilience coach and founder of SHESkool.com, and an ordained minister. She lives near the lakeshore and spends most of her time dreaming.
