Story and photos by Joshua Elie
It’s been about a year since the debut of the Northwoods Sauce Boss in these pages. So, maybe it’s time for some basic kitchen safety tips.
A sharp knife is a happy knife.
It happens every so often, when trying to cut something like a tomato or an orange. Instead of cutting, the knife’s edge rolls to the side and instead of sharpening the knife, you push down harder on whatever it is you’re trying to cut. Not good, and neither is spending a holiday evening in the hospital, getting a finger stitched. Even if the cut isn’t that bad, the annoyances are. Bandages fall off when they get wet, and those little finger nicks keep popping open and sting like the dickens when working with anything salty or citrus.
The businesses that promise knives that never go dull don’t seem to stay in business long, so who are we supposed to return these duds to? You can go on YouTube and find a million-and-one ways to sharpen a knife. I went to my butcher at M-55 Market instead. He suggested a Chef’s Choice Diamond Home Sharpener 320. It was a couple hundred dollars, and well worth it for me, but I process a lot of food and my knives dull quickly. I run mine through a fine grit wheel every time I wash them. It really doesn’t matter what you use if it works for you.
Another bit on finger safety that really should go without saying: If you are blending, grinding, or doing pretty much anything with a food processor, DON’T use your fingers to push stuff down while the machine is running. I was taught how to make sauerkraut by a very dear friend of mine. This requires a lot of cabbage cutting and grinding, then a lot of salt for the fermentation process. To this day in my kitchen, if somebody cuts themselves with a dull knife or from sticking their fingers in a food processor, we call it a “Toni.” (Read the recipe for chaffles at the end of “The only gig I ever missed”, Freshwater Reporter, Oct. 15, 2022.)
And this year’s “Toni Award” goes to … ?
Mind where your major appliances sit.
When I was living in the Detroit area in my early 20s, Aunt Kathleen asked me to keep an eye on her son Rob while she was away for the weekend. Rob was in his early teens and mature enough to not need a babysitter, but we got along great so I said, sure, I’ll go hang out with him for a weekend.
I got there, she left, and the first thing Rob asked was if he could have some friends over. I was automatically thinking about what I would want to do at that age with my friends with my parents gone. We went through a couple reasonable yet relaxed rules, and he said I wouldn’t have to worry about anything; they would probably just hang out in his room and play video games. And they did, and that was all they did! There were, like, eight young men huddled in there having some kind of video game tournament. After a couple hours I got bored and made my way into the kitchen.
Kathleen keeps a very nice home, though the kitchen is not a room she cares to use much. The weather stripping on her refrigerator was coming loose, so it leaked cold air. The stove was right next to it, so the refrigerator paint had faded. Another little tip: Don’t put your stove next to a wall or refrigerator.
Stovetop safety includes pan lids, flour.
Back at the video game “tournament,” I decided to liven things up a bit, so I went grocery shopping. When it wasn’t their turn at the video game, the guys took turns helping me chop garlic, onions and potatoes. They took a break from gaming to see me light up some pork chops with Yukon Jack. Remember that part about the refrigerator next to the stove with the leaky weather stripping? Well, I lit up more than the chops! I quickly covered up the pans to put the fires out. Three of the guys ran away when they saw the flames, but the other five thought it was the coolest thing ever. After a great and very large dinner, the guys spent the night and helped me fix the fridge the next day. A little paint and some new weather stripping, and a practically new fridge, full of leftovers, greeted Kathleen on her return.
Another tip: Always keep pan lids and a big bag of flour handy. Flour works great for dousing a burning grease spill.
Accidents do happen in the kitchen and when they do, most people just have pizza delivered. Learning how to cook, I ordered a lot of pizzas … until I learned how to make my own. All you really need for the perfect pizza is the perfect sauce, favorite toppings and a yeasty dough. (Read “Let’s Talk Marinara”, Freshwater Reporter, Aug. 2022).
Elie’s Quick-n-Easy Pizza Dough
Tools:
Kitchen Aid (or your preferred mixer) with mix and knead attachments
16” pizza pan
Rolling pin
Ingredients:
2 cups bread flour + additional
1 packet yeast
1½ teaspoons sugar
¾ teaspoon salt
2 Tablespoons corn oil + additional ¾ cup warm water, 105-115 degrees
First, make your marinara sauce. Next, proof your yeast. (Place in hot water, stir well and let stand 15 minutes or longer.)
Mix 2 cups flour, sugar, and salt in Kitchen Aid. Add proofed yeast, water and corn oil.
Switch to knead attachment and knead into a ball. Add extra flour if needed, just enough to keep the dough from sticking to the bowl. While kneading, brush inside of separate bowl with corn oil generously. Coat hands with flour and transfer dough to oiled bowl.
Brush top of dough with corn oil generously and cover. Let dough rise for 30 minutes or until doubled in size while prepping your toppings. Transfer dough to lightly floured surface and gently deflate with hands. Roll dough (with pin) into 12” circle and transfer to parchment paper-lined pizza tin. Start preheating oven to 425 degrees. Roll outside of dough over with fingers and pinch dough, forming a rim. Brush dough generously with corn oil. Poke holes with fork everywhere inside the rim to prevent bubbles. Add sauce, then toppings, cheese last. Bake for about 15 minutes. Mozzarella will barely begin to yellow when done.
