Story and photo by Joshua Elie
Have you ever been in surroundings so luxurious that, even though quite pleasurable, you didn’t feel like you belonged there? I have. I chose not to live the high life but the life of a simple country boy because that is where I am comfortable. When it comes to food and drink, though, I get to splurge a little because I use my own kitchen rather than eating in ridiculously expensive restaurants.
What do you imagine when you think of the most intense luxury? Wearing a million dollars’ worth of diamonds? Flying above the clouds in a $42 million Gulfstream G550? Living in the Trump Palace doing your “thing” on a golden toilet?
The most luxurious place I’ve ever been is on a Qatar Airlines jet. The airlines had a slogan about a decade ago, something like “Fly like Royalty,” and they lived up to it, even when seating customers in the cheapest seats, like the one I booked. As soon as we were safely in the air, drinks were served (for free, by the way) by the sweetest, most attentive and attractive young Filipinas you could imagine. On the back of the seat in front of us was a personal console where you could watch movies or TV or play video games. Great food was served next, followed by moist hot towels and candy, then it was more drinks. They were always offering blankets and pillows, too. Another fantastic meal came by, followed by the towels and the candy, then everything again and again. I think it was a 16-hour flight, though hard to say because everyone fell asleep after such incredible service.
After landing in Qatar, I did my African part of the trip. (Read “Dancing in the Kitchen”, Freshwater Reporter, Nov. 30, 2022.) On the way home it was back through Qatar, and I found I had a 24-hour layover at the most amazing hotel, all compliments of the airline.
It was the country’s Independence Day festival. I asked the taxi driver who they got their independence from, and he said, “From the British.” My response was, “So, you kicked them out of your country, too? Cool!” I was so embarrassed when I heard a voice from the back seat, with a very strong British accent, saying, “He can’t tell you because he is not from here.” Turns out, I was sitting in front of a British history professor who spent all his holidays going from country to country doing research. Of course, I apologized, and he jovially responded, “It’s OK. You can’t help that you are a Yank!”
Now, the hotel where they put me up was unreal. They gave me one of those plastic cards that are door keys and gave me a room on what I am guessing was the 20th floor. I unlocked the door, but nothing worked in the room, so I asked a maid. They were everywhere and, I am telling you, the place was immaculate. Well, you must place your card in the slot and leave it there to power the room. I had AC, hot showers and a king-sized perfect bed. After Africa, I really needed this. I turned on the big screen TV to check the news, walked onto this beautiful balcony, and admired the architecture of cloud-busting structures made of stone and mortar.
To leave your room, you have to pull the “key” out of the slot and use it again to let yourself out of the room. Think about how genius this is. You can’t lock yourself out and no energy is being used in your room if you’re not in it. I go down to the restaurant and my food/drink vouchers are all on the same key. Here are these 5 buffets, each one as long as a Walmart aisle.
Something else I learned was … people were paying no taxes, whatsoever. All the medical, good medical, was free, not self-funded or paid by taxes. That is how these oil-rich countries are. All I could think was, wow, what if the U.S. were oil rich … Wait a minute, we are … plus coal rich! The technology isn’t ready for widespread, dependable wind and solar power, though I expect to see it in my lifetime, plus with the hydroelectricity options like Tippy Dam… just imagine what we could do!
Elie’s Luxurious Dirty Martini Recipe
Fill metal cocktail shaker 1/3 with ice.
Add 2 parts Polish vodka
Add 1 part green olive brine (juice).
Shake hard until your hand gets so cold it starts to numb. Quickly pour into martini glasses (NOT plastic) and garnish with a skewer of three olives (for the vitamins).
Now you are drinking better than the rich; they water it down with vermouth. Yuck!
Happy National Martini Day!
Read more by Joshua Elie HERE and his bio HERE.
